The "tummy"

I took a trip to Motherhood Maternity today. It’s a store for maternity clothing, and I loved everything about it except the seemingly redundant name. In any case, I wanted to make a post about it, not really because of the clothes (which were a bit too much for me just yet), but more because of the fake, attachable tummy that they keep in the dressing rooms, which I thought was TOTALLY cool. Of course, I couldn’t resist trying it on. The tummy is basically a round pillow with a Velcro strap that you wrap around your back. While I haven’t quite outgrown my regular clothes, as I’m sure you can see in my belly picture, I am starting to feel quite constricted in the abdominal area, so I figured I might as well check out the clothing, just to see what’s in store for me.
I have to admit…I HATED all the high-waisted shirts. Ick. They look great when I see them on other women, but for me, they’re too much. I think a stretchy tee with a little extra room will be fine for me.
Still, that’s not really the topic of the post. The topic is the belly….or my belly I should say. My belly right now appears to be an almost exact replica of a disgusting beer belly. It’s gross. Just the other night, H and I were watching TV, and I had my pants unzipped because the waistline was hurting me. He started laughing and said, “Don’t move”. And then he took a picture of me, and my belly. As you can see in the picture, I look like some weird man who’s had too much beer…all the picture really needs is a tummy scratch and a koozie. Really, the best thing about the picture is that awesome shirt…man I love that thing! Anyway, when I was at Motherhood Maternity today, they had these great jeans that I just really wanted to try on, for two reasons: 1. I really liked them, and 2. I wanted to see what it really felt like to have that big elastic waist pulled all the way up. And actually, it was REALLY comfortable! Way more so than the jeans I wear now. And the waist they have is incredible! It’s flesh colored, first of all, and it’s made of this lycra material that stretches really far, but is super breathable. You can read about they’re whole “secret fit belly” concept here. Believe me, everything they say is true.
Ok, so after all that blah blah, I’m going to get to the point, which is this: the pictures I took with the belly on. They’re really funny, and surprisingly, they really make me look VERY pregnant, so it was interesting. So, here’s the warning: the pregnant tummy isn’t mine…it’s the fake tummy. I’m putting up a picture of my real tummy (to be updated on Monday….13 weeks!!) just so you can see the difference. Here’s my real (beer belly) tummy, with the maternity jeans on:









And here’s me with the fake maternity tummy on:

Isn’t it alarming how real it looks? I have to say, I was very surprised, but also very pleased to see that, provided the rest of me stays relatively similar to what it is now, I won’t look entirely like a cow when I’m really big. For now, I’d trade this beer belly for that maternity tummy ANYDAY!!!

A good name for a duck, anyone?

I wanted to make a quick post about this really adorable email that we received from Elizabeth, H's sister, last night. We had emailed her to the two newest ultrasound pictures, and she showed them to her three children (Claire, Lydia and Preston). We got a response from her last night, specifically related to this particular ultrasound image:

Lydia (5) wanted to know if we were having a duck, since she could see the beak and nostrils (I'm guessing that she's talking about the arm above the baby's head), and Preston (3), agreeing with Lydia, said that he could see the tail. I'm still wondering where the notion of a tail came from, but in any case, it's incredible how amazing the imagination of children is.

Expelling the superstition

I've been resisting adding a new post to this blog because I've sort of been on pins and needles about all that's been going on in my life. Still, since I am successfully at a healthy and stable point, I think it's time to just come out with it, regardless of the stupid superstition running through my head that announcing it will jinx it.
What is there to announce, you say? Well, I'M PREGNANT!! I made 12 weeks yesterday and I don't think I've ever been more relieved, or blessed, in my entire life. Of course, I have tons of pictures to show...many of them can be seen on the slideshow in the sidebar, and include lovely images of the baby growing in my womb. Today was the latest ultrasound, and I have to say that I am still astonished by the miracle of life. Just six little weeks ago, my little one was not more than a tadpole with a beating heart, and today she (or he) has a profile, long legs, long arms, and a STRONG will to move. Here's a big image of her (or his) little face, it's the cutest one I've ever seen, honestly. Oh, and the bright spot above that angel face is an arm.

I have another image that I really want to put up here, but I don't want to overload the screen with images, so if you're just dying to see the other one (which involves a long leg stretch and a wave), check out the slideshow in the sidebar. If you click on it, you can see the big version.
This first trimester (which is finally over, thank God!!) has been very challenging for me, as it was full to the brim with anxiety and worry, not only because of the two previous miscarriages, but also because I was continually spotting until about week 9. It was very difficult, and if it weren't for all of the love and support of family, I'm not sure I would have made it through. It's just so amazing to see that this life can grow and flourish, and that the whole business of ordaining it with the necessary things (arms, legs, toes, a soul) is completely out of my control. It's relieving, and stressful at the same time. All I can say is that lately, I've really had to learn to redefine the meaning of the word "trust".
Here are a few other pictures I want to put up. Obviously, I'm desperate to put up some belly pictures, which, as you can see, prove that I really am only BARELY showing, but showing nonetheless. Judging from how big and strong that baby looked today, the bigness in me might be coming on very soon. Here's a comparison of my belly at 10 weeks and today (12 weeks):

Most people won't even notice anything, but to me and H, it's VERY noticeable...probably because I just look fat. That's the unfortunate part, but I guess it won't be long before I'll just look REALLY pregnant.
The other picture I wanted to post is a picture of me with the Teddy Bear that H and I bought for the baby. We've decided to go with an animal theme for the nursery, so we're doing our best to amass all the stuffed animals we can find, and as of Saturday of this week, we were still without a teddy bear. So, we visited Build-A-Bear and bought/stuffed our own bear. It was very special, and we put two hearts in it for more love. It was a relaxing and special moment, and it was the start of me beginning to let go of my anxiety over another miscarraige. Here's the picture:

I know there's still a long road ahead of me, and I'm sure that it will be fraught with more worry and anxiety (the ultrasound tech told H today that she feels sorry for him...oops), but I'm hoping that in these next couple of weeks I can learn how to calm down and start to really feel excited and happy about this baby. For now, I've taken some baby steps (no pun intended), and writing this post was just one more on my road to recovery. Thank you all for your prayers, and please, keep them coming.