A day at the river

Yesterday H and I, and our friend Delano, went to Itchetucknee Springs, which is also a State Park and has a river running from the Springs. We rented tubes and lazily floated down the river, which has water that is clear as day, and it was absolutely gorgeous. It only took about 40 minutes or so to get there, and we went early in the day to avoid large crowds and the ridiculously hot weather. I, of course, was worried about overheating, but the water is around 70 - 75 degrees, so H just kept telling me to splash myself whenever I got hot. It was really fun, and we saw lots of cool things like otters, wild birds and jumping fish. Delano almost got a fish in his raft, in fact. H and I shared a raft and floated down together, and we still haven't decided if that was a good idea or not. It was great and relaxing to be in the same float together (especially for me, since I didn't paddle at all), but it was a little tight on space, and we felt a bit cramped quite often. Oh, and we came home with sore thighs from all the wriggling and moving we had to do. I kept throwing water on my belly (which only fit into my swimsuit bottoms because I cut the elastic band around my hips) so that the baby didn't get too hot (if that can even happen), and I think he or she really liked it. I felt the baby moving a lot, and I was wondering what it must have been like to be floating around in my belly while I myself was floating around on a river. What a strange sensation for our little one! We had a really great time, and it was so nice and quiet and relaxing, so I just wanted to share some pictures. Unfortunately, we only have three pictures because we didn't want to ruin the camera by taking it in the water, but either way, you can see my big belly poking out of the swimsuit, which was sort of the point (hehe). The other really funny thing is how white I look...I'm still blaming the sun for that, since I know I can home from Panamá with a GREAT little tan. We did have a ton of fun though, and I'm so happy we did it because it got me out of the house and let me enjoy myself for a bit. I've been so nervous about doing anything physical that I've been stuck at home for so long, and that is so unusual for me because I'm typically always doing something. It was very nice and I'm so grateful to have such a good and loving husband who forces me to do these things, even when I'm stubborn and not wanting to do so. Oh yeah, and boy did I sleep great last night! That, among other things, made it all worth it....and I think the bebé liked it too! :)

Quad screen = NEGATIVE

That's right, just one less thing to worry about! The doctor's office called me today and reported that my Quad screen came back normal, and that everything seems to be okay and healthy with the baby. I wasn't extremely nervous about it, but every now and then I have to admit that I would get a bit anxious. Now, though, I feel much better. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers, and please keep them coming, we need as much as we can get!
Oh yeah, and just THREE MORE WEEKS until we can find out the sex! I'm so excited, and now that everything is moving forward, and the baby seems to be healthy and well, and my belly keeps getting bigger, and I'm feeling the little one wiggling around in there, I'm feeling much less anxious and much happier about the whole thing. I can't wait for more!
YAY!!

Baby Heyman is on the move!!

I meant to make this post a few nights ago (Sunday night, 8/24, to be exact), but I've had so much going on trying to get back in the swing of things with school that it never got done. Why Sunday night? BECAUSE I FELT THE BABY MOVE!! It was the first real time that I've felt the baby, and I haven't really had the sensation much since, but it was incredible. Even though I keep telling myself that maybe it was just my imagination, the more I think about it, and the more I describe it to H, the more certain I am of what I felt. It was Sunday night and I had this horrific headache, so I was lying down trying to relieve some of the pain. I had a pillow propped between my legs, and the very top of it was just barely touching my lower stomach. Nothing was happening, except that I was about to drift off to sleep, and then all of a sudden I felt something which resembled a soft blow from an "internal" rubber mallet, twice in succession, rolling across my abdomen, approximately 3 to 4 inches from my pelvic bone. It didn't hurt or anything, but it was jarring enough that it woke me up and I called H. He was so excited and he kept saying "well what else could it be?!". I guess he's right. It's just that I've heard it described so many ways, and it didn't feel like any of those things, it felt quite different. The books I have describe it as "little bubbles" or "similar to gas", but that is not how I would describe it at all. As you can see, a rubber mallet seems much more appropriate. H thought that was funny, too. He said only I would come up with that type of description. Still, I keep waiting and waiting to feel it again, but I think that being so superconscious of it makes it harder to perceive. That sounds ridiculous, right, but it's not. I think I perceived it because I was lying there empty minded and not "trying" to feel it, and all of my preconceived notions of what it should have felt like weren't floating around in my head. Either way, it happened, and I loved it, and I can't wait to start feeling it again. The other exciting thing--if you want to call it that--is my ever-growing belly, which is now most certainly starting to look pregnant. Again, I should have posted the photo last night, but I was EXHAUSTED from a very full day on campus....this working-while-pregnant thing is really going to start to irritate me, I can see it already. So here's the picture:

I'm sure it's noticeable how tired and worn out I was, because even my face is totally colorless. Still, hearing that baby's thump-thump before bed really made it all worth it, even as tired and achy as I was.

Today was another exhausting day, but not nearly as stressful, since I basically spent the entire day at home and then went shopping with H this afternoon. We visited a few maternity stores, even though I have to admit that I'm not quite ready to give into it yet. The Tummy Sleeve is making it a lot easier to stay in the clothes I have now, but eventually (like probably in the next two weeks), I'm going to have to throw in the towel and just buy some maternity stuff, especially pants...this zipper business is really killing me.

And just one more note: tomorrow I visit the lab at my doctor's office to have a Quad screening test, which is basically a blood test which attempts to determine (not 100%) if the baby has Down syndrome, Cystic Fibrosis, Tay Sachs disease or Spina Bifida. I'm a bit nervous, but not too much, but please keep me in your thoughts and prayers, and I'll report back when the results come in, probably around Friday or Monday of next week. Hopefully, and prayerfully, it will all be fine and healthy. We're believing it will be...

The little thump-thump

SOOO...today we got our Doppler heart rate monitor, and I can't tell you how excited I've been all day since. I woke H up from his really good sleep right when it came, because I couldn't just have it sitting around the house without being able to use it. It's very small and compact, and super easy to use once you get the hang of it. At first it's tough, since you have to feel through all the intestinal sounds and stuff. Still, it is AWESOME, and I can't stop saying how happy I am that we got it, and H is even happy, mainly because he knows what a lifesaver it is for me. Just today it's relieved so much anxiety, and I'm hoping it will do more of that. I originally thought, along with H, that it would make me crazy because I'd have to listen to it a gazillion times, but surprisingly, hearing it just one little time a day will totally suffice. I really can't tell you how thrilled I am to have it, and so I had to share it with you all. Here's a little video so you can hear that little thump-thump along with us...please forgive the clip of our laundry room right at the beginning, H was doing a project. Oh, and notice Nacho's little head poking in to find out what's going on every now and then. Enjoy:

Oh, and THANKS FOR YOUR VOTES! Looks like I'm winning (thank God), so keep them coming! And thanks again, for your love, support, and prayers.

The A's and P's of pregnancy

I've been meaning to write a post during the last week, but since I've been dealing with so much A(nxiety), I've not had the time or energy to do it. Still, I had an appointment with my doctor today, and we heard the heartbeat beating strong at 175 bpm, and that relieved some of my stress. Things are also good with me; the best news of all: I've only gained 4 pounds since my last visit! Right on target!! I'm 14 weeks today, and, like usual, here's the weekly pic:
As you can see, not tons of growth since last week, but I am starting to have more of a "pregnant" shape, especially at the very top and the very bottom of my belly. I visited the maternity store again today because it's been SOO difficult and uncomfortable for me to button or zip up my pants. Still, all of the maternity jeans and pants were just too big and didn't fit right. Sooo, I found this incredibly nifty thing I LOVE called the Tummy Sleeve (pretty much a generic version of the Bella Band). Basically, it's like a tube top made of very stretchy fabric, and it fits over your tummy. It's great because it allows you to unbutton and unzip your pants, and then you can just slide the Sleeve over your pants and it holds up the pants, and only looks like you're wearing an undershirt. It's AMAZING. It might even let me go a few more weeks without buying maternity clothes! What's even cooler about the Sleeve is that it can be used throughout the pregnancy and even after, to hold your stomach in while you're losing that baby weight. It's a great invention....
So...back to the A's and P's. I've wanted to write about this a lot, since the most obvious reference is the A(ches) and P(ains), and I've had lots of them lately. Mainly, it's around my hips and ligaments that I'm getting them, but after all the awful sleeping P(roblems), I'm even feeling them in my shoulders and legs. The thing is that everyone says "sleep on your side", but I'm not used to that, so I get these incredible pressure points on my shoulder and thighs. It's VERY uncomfortable. And that brings me to the next A of pregnancy: A(mnesia). H and I were talking just the other day about how women seem to just forget EVERYTHING that they went through during their pregnancy the minute the baby is born. Will I go through that? All this A(nxiety) and P(ressure) seems impossible to forget, but who knows. It sure would be nice to forget it all...
I have more to say, but I'll save it for another post. Just two more quick things: 1. H and I rented a Doppler heart monitor for the baby so I can hear the heart beating whenever I want (YAY!!), and 2. please please please keep your prayers coming. They're greatly appreciated, and never taken for granted. :)

The first encounter

Today I make 13 weeks, and it's a very joyous day for me, not only because it's one week further away from that dreadful first trimester, but also because I had my first encounter with the pregnancy question today. I went to Fresh Market to browse around, and I was staring longingly at the dessert counter when I noticed that the woman standing behind it was staring at me with this peculiar smile on her face. I said hello, to be nice, and then she said something I wasn't expecting to hear for at least another 6 weeks: "How far along are you?". I can't believe it, even now. In fact, when she asked me, I laughed and she said: "Oh gosh, I'm sorry, I just thought you were pregnant". I told her I was and that it just caught me off guard, and I walked away wondering how in the heck she noticed I was pregnant. After all, I didn't imagine that my stomach was all that big. I mean, I was wearing this maternity dress (which pretty much looks like all the other dresses you see nowadays, with the high waist and all), but I didn't think I was really showing. Then I got home and had H take a picture of me in the dress, and I have to say, I actually do look pregnant. The picture is right there, to the right, and OH MY GOODNESS, I really look pregnant!! Even now, looking at it, I'm surprised to see how much I've grown since just last week. And lately, over the last few days or so, I've been having these ligament/bone pains, and seeing that picture I'm starting to understand why: things are growing very quickly! Quite frankly, it scares me to think of what I might look like in two or three months...eek. Anyway, tonight I was planning on putting up the weekly belly picture anyway, and I did take that one as well, where you can see my actual stomach, but I had to take one in the dress too, just as a sort of "reference point". Below you can see the picture of my belly from today, at 13 weeks. Amazing, isn't it? Still sort of "beer belly-ish", but getting better I

guess. I've been very reluctant to engage in any sort of heavy physical activity, especially since I was bleeding up until about week nine, and believe me, it's totally cramping my style. So today I also went and bought a nice new two-piece athletic swimsuit that I can use for swimming all throughout the pregnancy, which, for now, is my activity of choice. I'm also hoping to start a prenatal yoga course, at least once a week, but for now, I just want to be doing SOMETHING. And now that I've got the swimsuit, I can finally start back with the exercise. I'm going to go tomorrow and I plan on taking it easy, just in case it makes all those ligaments start hurting again, but I'm hoping it might give me some flexibility and energy. Overall, though, I feel good, minus the ligament pains, and I'm waiting anxiously to get to the doctor's office next week and hear that little heart thump-thump-thumping away. Please keep praying for us, and for the baby, that we all stay safe, and that things keep progressing as wonderfully as they are now. Who knows, in the next few weeks there might be many more encounters. :)

Let the voting begin!

So H and I have been going back and forth about what to do as far as finding out the sex of the baby. I REALLY want to, but H doesn't. He thinks it would be so exciting to wait until the birth to find out, but I'm not sure I could really stand that. I'm just dying to know what our little baby will be. Not to mention that I'm starting a quilt for the little one, and I would really really like to embroider the name along the bottom.....and, obviously, if we don't know the sex, that can't happen until after the baby is born. And who knows how much time I'll have then.
In any case, we've decided that we're going to leave it up to our family, all of you. Since we can't come to an agreement between the two of us, we want your opinions. Should we find out or not? If you look to the right, at the very top of the sidebar, you'll see a poll you can vote on. Vote for whatever you want. And, remember, "what you guys want" is NOT AN OPTION! If you're a family, you can vote once for every person you have. As it stands now, we should be able to find out the sex of the baby in about 5 to 6 weeks when we go in for the anatomy scan (ultrasound), so we want to know before then. Both of us have our opinions, but we're also open to going with what the other person wants. So...weigh in!

The "tummy"

I took a trip to Motherhood Maternity today. It’s a store for maternity clothing, and I loved everything about it except the seemingly redundant name. In any case, I wanted to make a post about it, not really because of the clothes (which were a bit too much for me just yet), but more because of the fake, attachable tummy that they keep in the dressing rooms, which I thought was TOTALLY cool. Of course, I couldn’t resist trying it on. The tummy is basically a round pillow with a Velcro strap that you wrap around your back. While I haven’t quite outgrown my regular clothes, as I’m sure you can see in my belly picture, I am starting to feel quite constricted in the abdominal area, so I figured I might as well check out the clothing, just to see what’s in store for me.
I have to admit…I HATED all the high-waisted shirts. Ick. They look great when I see them on other women, but for me, they’re too much. I think a stretchy tee with a little extra room will be fine for me.
Still, that’s not really the topic of the post. The topic is the belly….or my belly I should say. My belly right now appears to be an almost exact replica of a disgusting beer belly. It’s gross. Just the other night, H and I were watching TV, and I had my pants unzipped because the waistline was hurting me. He started laughing and said, “Don’t move”. And then he took a picture of me, and my belly. As you can see in the picture, I look like some weird man who’s had too much beer…all the picture really needs is a tummy scratch and a koozie. Really, the best thing about the picture is that awesome shirt…man I love that thing! Anyway, when I was at Motherhood Maternity today, they had these great jeans that I just really wanted to try on, for two reasons: 1. I really liked them, and 2. I wanted to see what it really felt like to have that big elastic waist pulled all the way up. And actually, it was REALLY comfortable! Way more so than the jeans I wear now. And the waist they have is incredible! It’s flesh colored, first of all, and it’s made of this lycra material that stretches really far, but is super breathable. You can read about they’re whole “secret fit belly” concept here. Believe me, everything they say is true.
Ok, so after all that blah blah, I’m going to get to the point, which is this: the pictures I took with the belly on. They’re really funny, and surprisingly, they really make me look VERY pregnant, so it was interesting. So, here’s the warning: the pregnant tummy isn’t mine…it’s the fake tummy. I’m putting up a picture of my real tummy (to be updated on Monday….13 weeks!!) just so you can see the difference. Here’s my real (beer belly) tummy, with the maternity jeans on:









And here’s me with the fake maternity tummy on:

Isn’t it alarming how real it looks? I have to say, I was very surprised, but also very pleased to see that, provided the rest of me stays relatively similar to what it is now, I won’t look entirely like a cow when I’m really big. For now, I’d trade this beer belly for that maternity tummy ANYDAY!!!

A good name for a duck, anyone?

I wanted to make a quick post about this really adorable email that we received from Elizabeth, H's sister, last night. We had emailed her to the two newest ultrasound pictures, and she showed them to her three children (Claire, Lydia and Preston). We got a response from her last night, specifically related to this particular ultrasound image:

Lydia (5) wanted to know if we were having a duck, since she could see the beak and nostrils (I'm guessing that she's talking about the arm above the baby's head), and Preston (3), agreeing with Lydia, said that he could see the tail. I'm still wondering where the notion of a tail came from, but in any case, it's incredible how amazing the imagination of children is.

Expelling the superstition

I've been resisting adding a new post to this blog because I've sort of been on pins and needles about all that's been going on in my life. Still, since I am successfully at a healthy and stable point, I think it's time to just come out with it, regardless of the stupid superstition running through my head that announcing it will jinx it.
What is there to announce, you say? Well, I'M PREGNANT!! I made 12 weeks yesterday and I don't think I've ever been more relieved, or blessed, in my entire life. Of course, I have tons of pictures to show...many of them can be seen on the slideshow in the sidebar, and include lovely images of the baby growing in my womb. Today was the latest ultrasound, and I have to say that I am still astonished by the miracle of life. Just six little weeks ago, my little one was not more than a tadpole with a beating heart, and today she (or he) has a profile, long legs, long arms, and a STRONG will to move. Here's a big image of her (or his) little face, it's the cutest one I've ever seen, honestly. Oh, and the bright spot above that angel face is an arm.

I have another image that I really want to put up here, but I don't want to overload the screen with images, so if you're just dying to see the other one (which involves a long leg stretch and a wave), check out the slideshow in the sidebar. If you click on it, you can see the big version.
This first trimester (which is finally over, thank God!!) has been very challenging for me, as it was full to the brim with anxiety and worry, not only because of the two previous miscarriages, but also because I was continually spotting until about week 9. It was very difficult, and if it weren't for all of the love and support of family, I'm not sure I would have made it through. It's just so amazing to see that this life can grow and flourish, and that the whole business of ordaining it with the necessary things (arms, legs, toes, a soul) is completely out of my control. It's relieving, and stressful at the same time. All I can say is that lately, I've really had to learn to redefine the meaning of the word "trust".
Here are a few other pictures I want to put up. Obviously, I'm desperate to put up some belly pictures, which, as you can see, prove that I really am only BARELY showing, but showing nonetheless. Judging from how big and strong that baby looked today, the bigness in me might be coming on very soon. Here's a comparison of my belly at 10 weeks and today (12 weeks):

Most people won't even notice anything, but to me and H, it's VERY noticeable...probably because I just look fat. That's the unfortunate part, but I guess it won't be long before I'll just look REALLY pregnant.
The other picture I wanted to post is a picture of me with the Teddy Bear that H and I bought for the baby. We've decided to go with an animal theme for the nursery, so we're doing our best to amass all the stuffed animals we can find, and as of Saturday of this week, we were still without a teddy bear. So, we visited Build-A-Bear and bought/stuffed our own bear. It was very special, and we put two hearts in it for more love. It was a relaxing and special moment, and it was the start of me beginning to let go of my anxiety over another miscarraige. Here's the picture:

I know there's still a long road ahead of me, and I'm sure that it will be fraught with more worry and anxiety (the ultrasound tech told H today that she feels sorry for him...oops), but I'm hoping that in these next couple of weeks I can learn how to calm down and start to really feel excited and happy about this baby. For now, I've taken some baby steps (no pun intended), and writing this post was just one more on my road to recovery. Thank you all for your prayers, and please, keep them coming.