"I'm awake and I feel the ache..."

I have this ridiculous history of living my life by song lyrics, and today, those songs were "breaking my heart". It's so hard to explain how I've been feeling lately, and even more, why I've been feeling like this, but it has to end soon....
The thing is: I constantly feel like I am missing something very important in my life.
I keep searching everywhere, trying to find that missing piece, and I can't locate it. And to be honest, it's starting to freak me out. I'm trying everything, trying to see where it can be, that missing piece. Ever since the miscarriages, I've felt like my life is incomplete, and lately it's been so intense I can't hardly stand it. It breaks my heart.
I feel like I'm going off the deep end, and like if I don't find the missing piece soon, then I might end up someplace where I never intended to be. Maybe that doesn't make any sense, but in my personal inventory, I've gone through every possible thing that could be missing in my life, and here's the biggest problem: I'm starting to fault other people for this missingness. I feel myself spending copious amounts of time thinking about the role H plays in this feeling in my life right now, how he's never home, and how when he is, he's not really emotionally (or physically) available to me.
Thinking that one thought that one time has opened a Pandora's box of illogical thought for me.
I don't even want to admit the things that have been going on through my head. I was talking with a friend recently, and he was going on about what I should do in my life to make things right, and he said to me: you don't want to end up being an old woman looking back on her life thinking "I wish I had done things differently". That has been the elephant in all of my virtual rooms since he said it.
What will I think when I'm old? Suppose I never have children, will I regret being married all that time? Will I regret not spending my time travelling and doing the independant things I wanted to do? Will I be looking at my life thinking that I did it all wrong? What do I do if that happens? Where do I go then? How does that affect my life at this particular moment?
"This is how it works: you're young until you're not. You love until you're done. You try until you can't. You laugh until you cry. You cry until you laugh. And everyone must breathe until their dying breath."
And that's the most painful part, you have to breathe until you die. It can't just end when you feel like it's time...everything just keeps rolling along, and like me now, I feel like I just keep getting farther and farther from whatever or wherever the center might be. And then, that's the other huge problem, where is the center? Where is my center? Why can't I fill in these pieces, move on and just be centered, right in the place I'm supposed to be.
I've gone through some bizarre things in my life, but I've never felt like this before. I feel like I've crossed some unknown and unseen threshhold and like I can't ever return to the me that was me before, or like I, for some reason, have become this other person that is completely out of touch with the me that was there before. I know, it's all psychobabble in a way.
But....is it?
"No this is how it works: you peer inside yourself, you take the things you like and then try to love the things you took. And then you take that love you made, and stick it into someone else's heart, pumping someone's blood. And walking arm in arm, you hope it don't get harmed, but even if it does you just do it all again..."
Like everything in life, you just do it all again. And again. And again. And again.

And again...