Expelling the superstition

I've been resisting adding a new post to this blog because I've sort of been on pins and needles about all that's been going on in my life. Still, since I am successfully at a healthy and stable point, I think it's time to just come out with it, regardless of the stupid superstition running through my head that announcing it will jinx it.
What is there to announce, you say? Well, I'M PREGNANT!! I made 12 weeks yesterday and I don't think I've ever been more relieved, or blessed, in my entire life. Of course, I have tons of pictures to show...many of them can be seen on the slideshow in the sidebar, and include lovely images of the baby growing in my womb. Today was the latest ultrasound, and I have to say that I am still astonished by the miracle of life. Just six little weeks ago, my little one was not more than a tadpole with a beating heart, and today she (or he) has a profile, long legs, long arms, and a STRONG will to move. Here's a big image of her (or his) little face, it's the cutest one I've ever seen, honestly. Oh, and the bright spot above that angel face is an arm.

I have another image that I really want to put up here, but I don't want to overload the screen with images, so if you're just dying to see the other one (which involves a long leg stretch and a wave), check out the slideshow in the sidebar. If you click on it, you can see the big version.
This first trimester (which is finally over, thank God!!) has been very challenging for me, as it was full to the brim with anxiety and worry, not only because of the two previous miscarriages, but also because I was continually spotting until about week 9. It was very difficult, and if it weren't for all of the love and support of family, I'm not sure I would have made it through. It's just so amazing to see that this life can grow and flourish, and that the whole business of ordaining it with the necessary things (arms, legs, toes, a soul) is completely out of my control. It's relieving, and stressful at the same time. All I can say is that lately, I've really had to learn to redefine the meaning of the word "trust".
Here are a few other pictures I want to put up. Obviously, I'm desperate to put up some belly pictures, which, as you can see, prove that I really am only BARELY showing, but showing nonetheless. Judging from how big and strong that baby looked today, the bigness in me might be coming on very soon. Here's a comparison of my belly at 10 weeks and today (12 weeks):

Most people won't even notice anything, but to me and H, it's VERY noticeable...probably because I just look fat. That's the unfortunate part, but I guess it won't be long before I'll just look REALLY pregnant.
The other picture I wanted to post is a picture of me with the Teddy Bear that H and I bought for the baby. We've decided to go with an animal theme for the nursery, so we're doing our best to amass all the stuffed animals we can find, and as of Saturday of this week, we were still without a teddy bear. So, we visited Build-A-Bear and bought/stuffed our own bear. It was very special, and we put two hearts in it for more love. It was a relaxing and special moment, and it was the start of me beginning to let go of my anxiety over another miscarraige. Here's the picture:

I know there's still a long road ahead of me, and I'm sure that it will be fraught with more worry and anxiety (the ultrasound tech told H today that she feels sorry for him...oops), but I'm hoping that in these next couple of weeks I can learn how to calm down and start to really feel excited and happy about this baby. For now, I've taken some baby steps (no pun intended), and writing this post was just one more on my road to recovery. Thank you all for your prayers, and please, keep them coming.