I'm so stupid

Just like last time, I'm up on a menstrual cycle and I'm freaking out. It's totally stupid and I am totally stupid. I've been reflecting a lot on what has been happening to me lately, and it's brought me to the following conclusions: (1) I need some time before I get ready to start trying to have a baby again, I need to repair, (2) I have to get control of my life, externally and internally, before I can feel confident that I can handle whatever comes to me (baby or another miscarriage), and (3) controlling my weight can help me do that.
So I've joined Weight Watchers (again) and I'm trying really really hard to follow it to the tee. It makes me feel better to focus my energy on something else besides these miscarrriages, although I have to admit that this impending period has totally gotten me on edge. Why do they have to be so similar? It's too much to deal with, and according to H's advice, I've taken a pregnancy test today just to reassure myself that it's not another miscarriage and it's not...I mean, the test was negative. But even still, I feel freaked out.
The thing is this: I have all this stress in my life, what with the Comps and my other classes and then the miscarriages on top of that. I think I need time to decompress and relax a little bit before I start trying to add more and more things into my life. I hate saying that, because each day that goes by I'm just getting older, but it has to happen. I'm tired of being tired and I'm tired of being a cow, or at least feeling like one, so I have to take control. And I have.
That, at least, makes me feel better. I've also decided to start Yoga once a week again, to at least take some time to myself to try and blow off some steam. Working out is great and it gets rid of a lot of stress, but the reality is that only Yoga has been able to help me manage my stress in the past, and I'm ready to try it again.
I haven't blogged in a while because I have so many other blogs going that I rarely get to this one any more, not to mention that I've just started another one specifically dedicated to my weight-loss struggles. It's my new tactic, but we'll see how it works. For now, I'm feeling a bit better since I've started to get back under control....oh, and Louis and Virginia are flourishing beautifully. I'll put a picture up soon...