Eating habits in times of pain

I keep wavering in and out of this depression that I can't seem to shake, and it's started to make me think a lot about my eating habits, mainly because when I'm upset, all I want is food. That's unfortunate because the weight that I keep packing on is certainly not helping this irritating depression go away.
I was being really good there for a while, trying to eat right and take care of myself and stay away from the stuff that isn't good for me (caffeine, sugar, fried foods). Now, though, every time I start to get down (which happens quite a few times each day), all I want is alcohol or a cigarette or food (although mainly it's food), especially sugary foods. The entire time I'm bingeing, there's this voice in the back of my head that's saying: stop eating, you're only making it harder on yourself, but every time I hear that voice, I just force myself to ignore it. Or, even worse, I say to myself: whatever, it's just this one time and then I'll go back to being good.
But it's never just that one time, it's always multiple times, and I always leave feeling multiple times worse than the last time....and I still can't make myself stop.
I have to get control of this. The thing is that on top of the self-doubt and sadness that I have because of the miscarriages, I'm then left to deal with this feeling of disgust with myself, with my weight, and with my appearance. I've even been really broken out lately, which is just a physical manifestation of the stress I'm going through, not to mention I'm sure it's somehow related to the types of food that have been going into my body lately.
I did Weight Watchers for a long time, but I can't do that anymore. I don't have time for it, and even though it works, I don't think it's practical or easy to do. H keeps telling me that my self-image is severely distorted, but I think that he's just being a good husband and trying to make me feel better about myself. And I often wonder if the real situation is that he feels grossed out everytime he sees me naked.
I'm sure it's the case.
What I don't understand is how it's possible that in the past years of my life (mainly between 1999 and 2002) I was so much thinner, and yet SO much more unhealthy. I would think that not smoking pot, not smoking cigarettes, not drinking copious amounts of alcohol, and not eating fast food for nearly every meal would actually enhance my health, but as it appears, it's only made me fatter.
I'm not saying that I would want to go back to those times in my life, but I just want to understand. This is my life-long struggle: to understand things. Why do I have to be fatter when I'm actually caring for my body than I was when I didn't give a damn about it? Why am I miscarrying pregnancies when my body is as healthy as it's been in probably my whole life? Why have all of my friends disappeared? (That last question seems a bit out of place, but it's just one of the zillions of preguntas that pop into my mind when I get into this type of mood.)
The thing is this: I want to be a good person. I want to take care of my body. I want to be a good wife to H. I want to be a good student. I want to be a good mother. I want to be a good friend. And I really try to be and do all of those things. It's just that sometimes, I start to feel like I'm failing...and I get so weary from the fight....
And that's when I start eating.