Birthday blog

I always find it interesting to look back on my yearly birthday writings because they are always so wrought with confusion. That's ironic in a way, too, because each year after I finish writing my reflections, I think I've had some sort of major epiphany, or that something has really changed inside of me, I mean, besides just being one year older. So, like I always do, I just finished reading my reflections from last year.
Rubbish.
After having this miscarriage, everything seems to have been blasted into perspective for me. So obviously, looking back on my petty concerns from last year seems ridiculous. It was all about growing up, moving forward, changing to be the "me" of my future. Well, guess what me of last year: that change has happened.
I am always surprised to look back on my writings and see how my concerns have evolved over time. It's impressive to see how much time and energy I wasted on thinking about things that mean nothing in the grand scheme, but I guess that's just part of the human experience. Even Anne Frank, in her attic prison, spent time fretting about boys. That's comforting (which reminds me that a few years ago, on my birthday, I was able to see that attic prison, another event which has affected me ever since).
Last year the main theme of my birthday writing was moving on, and if I was ready to let go of the past. This year, the theme is this: I have moved on, I have let go, and I've never been more than ready to embark on a new chapter in my life...especially since the miscarriage. Going through this ordeal has made me realize what an amazing husband I have, and how truly blessed I am in my life, and has made me start to wonder how crazy I would be to ever want anything other than what I have now.
Many women won't ever know the happiness I am experiencing, even taking into consideration the loss of my child.
I wish I could think of more to write about, but this year, I can't. This year there's nothing petty to talk about or anything stupid to make me feel miserable. This year I'm mourning the loss of my first pregnancy, but rejoicing in the beautiful life that I have. My feet are steady moving forward and I'm prepared to take on all the responsibilities that the "me" of last year was so easily delegating to the "me" of this year, o sea, me now. So I guess that all that's left is a summary, like usual:
1. Once again, I'm more grateful than ever, for this life, this husband, this future, this family, and that lovely bean.
2. My past is officially over for me, and I'm moving forward at lightning speed.
3. Bring it on.
Happy birthday to me. I have a feeling this year will be very, very good.