The return of body dysmorphia

I'm so close to the mid-point of the pregnancy, I can't tell you how excited I'm getting, and watching that little animated baby in the sidebar get bigger and bigger every day is so thrilling! Lately, though, I've been dealing with a rather unexpected return of what H so lovingly refers to as my Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Long ago, when my belly was flatter than I wanted to believe it was, he always used to get on my case about freaking out over a big belly. He would always tell me how great my belly looked and how he thought I had serious perception problems when it came to my body. Back then, I would laugh and think "what a good husband, trying to make me feel beautiful." But then yesterday, I saw some old pictures of us, from our honeymoon and our first Valentine's day as a married couple, and dear God, was he right. After watching my stomach balloon as it has in the last few weeks, I can't imagine how I ever thought it was big before. As you can see in the picture to the side, it is REALLY showing now. There's no hiding it, and there's definitely no wearing regular, non-maternity clothing. It's strange to say that I feel surprised by it all, but I do. I'm really surprised to see my own stomach grow like this, even though I've seen it happen to hundreds of women over the course of my life. And I think I'm starting to feel a resurgence of that body dysmorphia he was always talking about, which is another surprising thing, considering how desperately I wanted to be pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I love it and I couldn't be happier than I am right now, knowing that I will get to bring that lovely little life into the world in just a few short months. Still, I think I'm facing this awkward sense of disbelief about it all, like every time I look in the mirror I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that it doesn't really look like that, or that it's totally not noticeable that I'm pregnant. But seriously, it's noticeable...like, really noticeable. It's funny because I can look at my pictures with my belly covered and feel just like I've always felt when looking at picture of myself, but then I move my hand and it's almost like I'm looking at someone else completely. It's a very strange sensation, but one that I'll cherish forever I suppose. It's just amazing how some things are so unexpected, but I guess that's what life's all about. And just a random aside: boy do I have to work on my posture!