Baby booties at Target

I was walking through Target today and I couldn't help but look at all the baby stuff. It's frustrating because I often wonder if it is really that time in my life, or if I have just convinced myself that it is, and then consequently become obsessed with the idea of having a child. I found myself today trying to imagine what that moment will feel like, the moment that I find out that I am pregnant. I think it will be something like the day H asked me to marry him, or maybe the moment we left our reception, and it was just the two of us alone, a married couple, for the first time. It's like the beginning of a new phase, a new chapter digamos, but it's also a forced beginning at the same time. I reflect a lot on how prepared I am to be a mother and to raise a child, and I can't say how I feel exactly. There are days when I feel like I can be a great mother, and there are days, or moments--like when I am spouting random obscenties, for example--when I feel like that chapter is still inchoate. Today, though, I feel ready. The booties didn't make it any better either.