I've got dreams. Dreams (I don't want) to remember.

That's an allusion to an Otis Redding song, in case you're wondering where the heck the parentheses fit in to all this.

And today, for me, it's true.

I a crazy dream last night. It was one of those dreams where you feel like you have actual physical sensations, and they stay with you all day long. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I was looking at an ex-boyfriend's Facebook page last night (I don't even know why). But still, that sensation is pervading my morning. I want it gone.

I admit, I have no regrets. I have nothing in my life that I would do differently or change. Now, that being said, I would not in any way like to return to those times in my life when I was making the decisions that I could possibly regret one day. And after that dream last night, I feel like I did. I feel like I revisited painful and sorrowful memories.

But at least, when I woke up, there was my H. My amazing, loving, hard-working, faithful, sincere and simple H. How I got so lucky I have no idea.

One of my weakest points is always trying to see the best in everyone. I'm convinced that this is the reason why I had so many unfruitful relationships and why I got my heart broken so many times. I can always find at least one positive thing in anyone...well, mostly anyone. After looking over the Facebook page last night, it got me thinking about this.

Obviously, back when I was dating this complete tool, I didn't realize how awful he was. But then last night, after reading over his page and looking at pictures of his fat beer belly (see side image), I was SO happy that we broke up...and so perturbed about what I ever saw in him.

This wave of confusion and disgust just overtook me.

But then I woke up with H. I started thinking about it again, thanks to this dream, and I realized something rather monumental: I did see something good in that guy, and I did see something good in all the other guys. I mean, not just something good, but something that I wanted in a man. And all those idiots showed me how to find exactly what I wanted, how to REQUIRE that I be given what I deserve. So, I guess I have them to thank, in a way, for bringing me to H. I can look back at each one of them, and think about which trait they had that was most attractive to me, and I can find that trait in H. This is totally true...it sucks that I learned the hard way, but it takes lots of demanding, and lots of NOT settling, to eventually find that knight in shining armour who's lost somewhere in the woods, looking for his princess.

I think that's really how it happens. We're both lost, and then our paths collide, and after a long process of unveiling, we realize that we've found exactly what we were looking for.

With H, I did.

So maybe I don't want to remember the dream from last night, but should I really want to forget the blood, sweat and tears (especially tears) that I put into finding my superb husband? I don't think so. No, I think that those are dreams I should never, never forget.