The failure was actually a failure

Yes...it's true! I can't even believe it myself, but I actually am pregnant!! I found out yesterday when I visited the infirmary on campus, just on a whim. I missed a period, which kind of clued me in to it, but I was so resistant to accept it. Even now, after all of my obsessing, I feel hesitant to just say, okay, it's true. It's so hard to believe, especially when nothing really feels different. I mean, inside I feel different, and I've had this AWFUL headache all day, but other than that I feel pretty much like myself. I mean, physically anyway. My first consultation appointment is next week and then I'll get to schedule the real appointment: the ultrasound. I just want to hear that heart beating, I'm going crazy to hear it. I'm trying so hard not to freak out, but the truth is that every possible thing is running through my mind. My gut feeling is that this will all go well, the pregnancy, the birth, and the baby's life. Wow, the miracle of life is amazing. I never knew it. I really, really never did. I love you little heartbeat I can't hear. I love you.