I said I wouldn't...

Well last night I had a COMPLETE freakout moment because I spotted a bit of dark red blood. I totally freaked out, cried for like 3 hours, and could hardly sleep. Finally, this morning, I came to terms with the fact that I have to "let go and let God", as they say. H has reassured me that if a miscarriage does take place, there is nothing I can do to prevent it, and that it's just nature's way of taking care of things that aren't viable. I can swallow that, but the pain of losing the possibility of being a mommy, something that I've waited so long for, is unbearable. I have been focusing on the positive and trying to stop freaking out. After last night, I said I wasn't going to put the stomach picture up, but now I think I should. I am absolutely positive that everything will be ok, that this pregnancy will be safe, and that I will deliver a healthy baby. And if it doesn't work out that way, then it wasn't the right time, and we can always try again. It's hard for me to accept since I am sort of a total control freak, and this is something that is entirely out of my control. But that's ok, if I have to relinquish the control for the safety of my unborn child, I'll do it. H has been really good with helping me think positively, and he's been so supportive. After the freak out last night, for example, he ran me a long hot bath and made me some calming chamomile tea and then we went to bed. Today I haven't had hardly any spotting or bleeding, and I've so far gone 12 hours without a spot....God willing, that bloodlessness will continue. The good news is that the dark red blood I had last night was just that, DARK red, not bright red, and it was not accompanied by any cramping. I just want to get to the doctor on Friday and have him tell me that everything is normal. For now, however, I'm trying to think positively, I mean, I AM thinking positively, and trying to be excited about the baby. Although, I have to admit that being excited is hard because I don't want to experience again what I did last night. Either way, if you're reading this, please keep me and my precious little bean in your thoughts and prayers, and send me some positive energy. I want us ALL to think positively and be grateful, ya que es el día de la acción de gracias, that we're bringing a new life into this world.